Fear
by atrophy-07
Summary: Ed rambles.. "I'm scared..." Chapter 4: "I want him. Now."
1. Fear

**A/N: I do not own FMA.**

**This is a short ramble of Ed.**

**Fears**

By: Liezl Freia_ aka_ atrophy7

Fears.  
Make people **human**.  
I **am** human.  
I have fears.  
One of which.  
Is **loneliness**.  
Broken hearts.

Then again.  
**Nobody**.  
Ever gave a damn.  
Nobody bothered.  
To receive a heart.  
Throbbing. Hopeful.  
**Inviting**.  
Nobody took it.  
Even as it was served.  
Willingly.  
**In a platter.**

_**I'm scared.**_  
I have no love life.  
No experience.  
Whatsoever.  
Always the outsider.  
The watcher.  
Bridge.  
Adviser. (Ironic).  
Friend.

Never the lover.  
Or.  
Special someone.  
No.

**Never.**  
The fear.  
Of a life without love.  
Of growing old.  
Alone.  
Frail.  
Unfulfilled.  
_**I'm scared.**_

I dream.  
Not of perfection.  
Ignore fairy tales.  
Shun the drama.  
Just love.  
No more. No less.  
Just **someone**.  
To love me.  
**For me to love**.

This fear.  
It **doesn't** even matter.  
If I get hurt.  
Just one experience.  
Just one chance.  
I'm numb. Already.  
I'm hopeless.  
I'm unexpectant.  
Already.  
**I don't really care.**  
Fear does that to you.

Fears.  
Make people **human.**  
I'm afraid.  
It makes me human.  
Right?  
But then.  
What human am I.  
**Without love?**

_**I'm scared**_.  
This fear.  
_**I'm scared.**_

**Roy's answer will follow. And perhaps a story. Bribe me.**


	2. Him

**A/N: I do not own FMA.**

**I know I should have made Roy's answer, but Ed just keep coming up. There will be a story. There I will explain the sudden transition of emotions in the ramble.**

**This ramble is dedicated to Melody Elric.**

**Him****.**

By: Liezl Freia_ aka_ atrophy7

_**(Fear.**_

_**Confronted with hope.**_

_**Equal a fallacy.**_

_**False sense.**_

_**Inexistent security.**_

_**The heart though.**_

_**Is stupid.**_

_**It nibbles.**_

_**Until itself is.**_

_**Consumed.**_

_**Lost.**_

_**It hopes.**_

_**Then.**_

_**Fear disappears.**_

_**Momentarily.**_

_**Fleetingly.**_

_**Only.**_

_**To lash out later.**_

_**More painful.**_

_**Stupid.)**_

I love him.  
Someone who does not love me back  
Will never, probably.  
Would it be cliché? _**We're worlds apart.**_  
It's sad. **Very**.  
And yet I cannot help but smile.  
My body sings with a frenzy of emotions.  
Love?  
Insanity?  
I'm bitter. We could never be.  
Depressing. I want to cry.  
I don't. I _**laugh.**_  
With a sudden feeling of euphoria.  
A grin on my face.  
From morning till the final hours.  
Elation. Palpitation. _**Thud thud thud.**_  
Spasmodic lightning through my veins.  
Just like.  
Happiness.  
But I'm sad. Depressed. Bitter.  
Madness. I'm still smiling.  
My thoughts only of him.  
_**Always**_ of him.  
Disturbance. Interruption.  
I feel giddy. Like a girl.  
I _**am**_ not!  
That is the problem.  
And he would not love me back.  
I'm sad. _**Very.**_  
I'm happy. For now, probably.  
That's what matters.  
That's all that can ever matter.  
It's funny.  
_**I love him?**_

_**(Two emotions.**_

_**Polar.**_

_**Pain and pleasure.**_

_**Joy and distress.**_

_**Stupid heart.**_

_**Stuck in one.**_

_**Stubborn.**_

_**Direction.**_

_**It sees light.**_

_**Possibility.**_

_**Not darkness.**_

_**Consequences.**_

_**Believes what.**_

_**It wants.**_

_**Equivalence.**_

_**The price of happiness.**_

_**Now.**_

_**Even if false.**_

_**Will be too.**_

_**Much.**_

_**The fear.**_

_**Grows again.)**_

**Overkill? Please review. Thanks so much.**


	3. Fear the fear

**A/N: I do not own FMA.**

**Finally, Mustang has spoken. He rambles. This one is dedicated to sweetkakes35.**

**Fear the Fear.**

_By Liezl Freia aka atrophy07_

Fear.  
I am **the** person.  
Without it. Should be.  
Must be.  
Courage. This mask.  
Mask of courage.  
Of **detachment**.  
I cannot.  
Care.  
Love.  
Too **much**.  
It will be my downfall.  
It is.  
**Was**.

Human is something.  
I could.  
**Never** be.  
Expectations.  
Goals.  
Have to be met.  
Humanity is luxury.  
One I cannot afford.  
Even with power.  
For power.

Calm. Control.  
**Raging** emotions.  
Have to be put aside.  
The face must bear.  
No drop of feeling.  
No **flicker**.  
In coal black eyes.  
Darkness shrouds.  
Inexistence.  
Of the heart.  
Of **love.**  
This cannot be.

Fear.  
I cannot escape.  
I fear **the** fear.  
Damn him.  
He who brought upon.  
This madness.  
Walls **break** down.  
Efforts fail.  
Why?

**Love.**  
My demise.  
**Him.**  
My ruin.  
Demise and ruin.  
**He is my love.**

This fear.  
Make it go away.

_**Edward**_

**(Am I pushing it? Reviews are appreciated.)**


	4. Tirades of Holding Back

This is turning to be a seriously sick habit, all the rambling. Sometimes coherence just simply won't show itself. Anyway here are their ramblings once again.

**Tirades of Holding Back**

By: Liezl Freia

Roy:

**Forbidden.**  
Cannot be done.  
Taboo.  
Unacceptable.  
That is what this is.  
I will be condemned.  
The **both** of us will be.  
Everything will shatter.  
Could I care?  
Should.  
**Would**?

Ed:

He becomes my beacon.  
In his shadow.  
I am **enlightened**.  
His presence.  
It haunts me.  
Every **waking** moment.  
The sea rages.  
As my heart beats.  
Not for him.  
But **of** him.  
Will he grace me with light?

Roy:

How much more.  
Must I **endure**?  
Before I break.  
Break and die.  
In the most painful way.  
Every **ounce** of self control.  
Of patience.  
Suppressed carnage.  
I despise him.  
Who manipulates **who**?  
I'm at his disposal.

Ed:

Barriers.  
Like the desk in the office.  
The **damning** spectators.  
The laws of man.  
Our layers of cloth.  
Fragile but there.  
Weak but** consequential**.  
The risk. The price.  
He is worth it.  
The question remain.  
**Worth** it, am I?

Roy:

Let me be the one.  
To break him. **Ruin** him.  
Extinguish his shining glory.  
That no man may advance.  
No one else.  
I want him to** burn**.  
For he is only mine.  
His core. His essence.  
**All mine**. No one else's.  
I cannot touch him.  
And I won't let another do.

Ed:

I curse all women.  
For their repulsive eyes.  
That **unclothe** him bit by bit.  
Those degrading advances.  
All tainted. All underserving.  
All sinful **whores**.  
But I could only pray.  
That he remain in his pedestal.  
Unreachable. For them.  
And from me.  
Will he make an **exception**?

Roy and Ed:

How much longer?  
Chains grow weaker.  
The pain of **holding back**.  
Every cruel tick of the clock.  
The fucking lies.  
Anger **masking** desire.  
Pathetic show.  
All in vain. Reaching.  
I want him.

**Now.**


End file.
